Here we are...
The other night at dinner, Brian looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes and said, “I’m happy.”
Such a wonderful gift it is to be feeling such immense joy. I never let myself fully believe IVF was going to work, I wanted it to so badly, but I was so afraid of being disappointed again. And it’s so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that IVF actually does work, and that this baby, who was conceived outside my body and frozen for several weeks, is now thawed and resuming life in my womb. We received the results from our second beta, and my numbers went from 322 to 1680! Off to such a great start!
So here we are, finally pregnant. I told my best friend that strangely enough, I feel like I’m already so far along. Probably because I’ve been waiting to be pregnant for so long, and finally being here feels like leaps and bounds ahead of where we’ve been over the last two and a half years.
I will admit that pregnancy after loss (and more loss) has already brought a cornucopia of emotions and challenges. It’s not an easy road. I have a lot of fears, and it’s hard to trust my body after it has failed me so many times. I just keep repeating to myself, “In this moment, I am pregnant.” And it’s just enough to keep me afloat.
Grow baby grow!