Life after loss: Anxiety
I’ve always been a bit of an anxious person. But after everything we went through with Aria, I’ve gone from being your average worry wart to full blown anxiety.
As a matter of fact, it is anxiety that has me up at two o’clock in the morning, writing this post as an attempt to release a little energy, and calm my nerves.
With all of the tragedies happening in our nation as of late, I’m starting to feel pretty on edge. I wonder if anything is really safe anymore. It’s enough to make me never want to set foot outside of my house.
The rational part of me knows I can’t let fear stop me from living my life – but it’s so much easier said than done. I’m afraid that I’ll get too comfortable, and be blindsided by something horrible.
It already happened once.
When we passed the twelve week threshold in my pregnancy with Aria, I was certain we would be bringing home a perfect little baby. Finding out our baby had a serious malformation at twenty weeks was a complete shock. Losing her six weeks later was completely beyond our realm of comprehension. Every ounce of naïveté was stripped out of my life. My innocence was destroyed.
Now I’m afraid tragedy is now lurking at every corner. I am constantly bracing myself for it. I’m so afraid of the unknown. I tend to operate under the assumption that if tragedy happened once, it can happen again.
Im trying so hard to fight this beast, but like everything else in this journey, it’s an uphill battle. All I can do is take each moment as it comes, and work through it.
Dear Lord, please comfort my worrisome heart.