• Kim

Overcoming our differences in grief

Our differences are what make us unique and special. Our differences are important, and make life interesting. They make life more meaningful.

But sometimes, our differences can really divide us. They can cause arguments, and even full blown wars.

Lately, I’ve been wishing the rest of the world was a little more like me. I’m very open about my journey with grief. I tell people when I am hurting in a very public way, both on my blog and social media accounts. I share these things for a lot of reasons, but mostly because it keeps Aria’s memory alive. But not everyone is this vocal, and sometimes it can be really hard on me.

When I’m really upset, or missing Aria so much that I’m drowning in my emotions, I almost always text, call, or speak with someone. I do this so that I always have a support person to help pull me out of the darkness, or prevent me from falling in too deep. This is a really important process for me.

But not everyone is like this. Many people tend to grieve silently, so they don’t often send us a text that says “I thought of Aria today” or “I cried today.” I think people assume that telling us about their overwhelming moments, and the tears they shed will break us down even more. But truthfully, it would help us a lot.

First, it reminds us that we aren’t the only people who think of our daughter on a daily basis. We can’t read minds, so we don’t know unless someone tells us. And when they do, it makes my heart sing. I love knowing the ways our sweet little girl has impacted other people’s lives. I love knowing that her presence on this earth continues for more than just Brian and I.

Second, if someone were to tell us they missed her so much that they shed a few tears, we would feel less alone in our grief. Of course, we don’t want everyone around us to be sad, but it is really nice to know we aren’t the only ones grieving this loss. Which again, we just don’t know unless we are reminded.

Over the last six and a half months, people have often said “let us know if you need anything!” And it’s so frustrating because I almost never know how to respond. I will likely never say “I’m having a hard day, can you come do my laundry?” But I have a response now. All we really need is to know that people still have a relationship with our sweet little girl.

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