• Kim

Sometimes grief is ugly.

I try with all of my night to find beauty through all of the pain and sadness. It is grueling and painstaking work. But you know what? There are times when grief is just plain ugly.

There are people in our lives who have walked away, and decided not to support us through the loss of our daughter. We have encountered people who couldn’t withhold judgement, or keep their opinions to themselves. Several people have said incredibly hurtful and disappointing things to us. Some have tried to ignore the fact that our daughter existed, always change the subject when we talk about her, and shut her memory out of their lives.

It’s truly the most difficult part of it all. These things are sometimes referred to as secondary losses. When you lose a child, you often lose so much more.

I’m writing this here because I always try to portray myself in the most honest and authentic way. I wanted to share that grief isn’t always a steadily moving process that heals itself into a neat little package.

I also needed to release these thoughts from the place where I’ve kept them locked up in my heart. I wanted to let go of the anger, hurt and disappointment, so I can keep moving forward.

At the end of the day, these secondary losses have taught me to really appreciate those who have stepped up. The people who selflessly walk through the messy emotions with us. They have made all the difference and I am so thankful for each of them.

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